Befriending Our Fears
To embody our values
Season: Winter
Element: Water
Moon: Quarter
Happy Monday!
Tomorrow is the last quarter moon in the element of water. Kara and I will be curating Sound + The Element of Water this Friday, January 24, 2025 from 6:30pm - 8:00pm at the Liebestraum Chalet in Alto, Michigan. If you are interested but have not signed up yet please do so since there are only a few tickets left. This restful sound immersion will be a wonderful energetic support in preparation for the planet parade on January 25th and the transition to the year of the Wood Snake on January 29th. If you can’t make it but need some rest, please join the waitlist for the February Rest Curation or see the upcoming Rest Curation, Rest Walk, and Sound Curation links below through June 2025.
I want to thank all of you that reached out after my last post about fear to let me know how much it resonated. And thank you also for your concern about my wellbeing after our basement flooded. I am hanging in there, but am still deprogramming from a lot of fear around scarcity as I rebuild my basement and consider tackling additional renovation projects that have been in my mind for a long time. I mean, why not get the whole house painted, new carpet in the bedrooms, updated flooring and countertops in the kitchen, and renovate the bathroom while my house is a construction site? I’ll tell you why not — scarcity.
The fear of scarcity, also known as a scarcity mindset, is a way of thinking that involves a constant fear of not having enough. The fear of scarcity around not having enough money has been my constant companion since starting my interior design company Marine Blue Studio in 2016. As a small business owner providing contract work, there are ebbs and flows / feasts and famines to the work so it is easy to fall into a scarcity mindset. In the past, this fear has lead me to not live my values — to take every project and to work with every client regardless. I justified not living my values (being calm and creative) with the capitalist excuse of “I have to make money.” So, I took on every job that came even when the projects were not creative and I worked with every client even when they were not calm. Not surprising, this sucked all of my energy. And because I was constantly in a scarcity mindset, I set super tight budgets for our household and I put off spending money on home renovations and furniture because I was hoarding away whatever money I could for future catastrophes and the dreaded retirement. Side note, it is so sad that many of us are completely freaked out about retirement and how we are not saving enough. Goodness, if you get stressed out about retirement don’t click on the links because they may put you in a scarcity spiral.
So, why does fear stop us from living or embodying our values and how can we process them? In IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy, "fear of scarcity" often refers to a part of the self, considered an "exile" or "protector," that is deeply afraid of not having enough — whether that be love, resources, time, or even personal worth — and acts out of this fear, sometimes leading to behaviors like hoarding, excessive work, or extreme neediness. I hoard my money and work excessively when I am in scarcity, but these behaviors just lead to more feelings of scarcity. Last year, I tried befriending my scarcity part and became curious about what her motivations were for these protection mechanisms. What I found was that my scarcity part was afraid that if I didn’t have a constant flow of money in that I would not have enough to cover my mortgage and would lose my house. To this part, that was the worst case scenario which most likely stemmed from losing my house when I was 16 years old and my parents divorced. There was so much shame and discomfort around that lose that I believe this part of me never wanted to feel that way again and has been protecting me ever since. I’ve always been very concerned about money tied to my housing, but it turned into a real fear of scarcity when I started my own business and was 100% responsible for finding projects to bring in the money.
After discovering my part’s motivations, I have been able to befriend her and let her know that she no longer needs to protect me. If I lose my house, I lose my house but I will still survive. In reality, the chances of this are slim since I am very privileged to I have an amazing family that would support me if I needed financial assistance. I am also able-bodied so I can work a number of different jobs if need be. With this privilege and understanding that I can survive, I now am working to move out of the fear of scarcity and into a mindset of abundance. Implementing an abundance mindset and being intentional about embodying my values over the last few months has lead me to notice that more interior design projects that are creative and calm are coming, that I am getting more feng shui clients, and that more people are inviting me to collaborate with them on curations for the Cascade Rest Curation. These are the good vibes I am looking for and this is the direction I want my life to go in, so I am grateful for my scarcity part for trying to keep me safe but she can rest now. I’ve got this and it is time to live no longer in fear and scarcity but in abundance!
Information on upcoming Rest Curations, Rest Walks, and Sound Curations are at the bottom of the post. And please pass this Substack onto a friend or family member to broaden this amazing CRC community and to give the gift of rest to those who need it. If you don’t live in West Michigan and want to hold a Rest Curation in your local community, please email me at abby@cascadefengshui.com for the script and music information. Or email me if you would like to organize a private Rest Curation for friends, family, or colleagues.
Note: Rest products are still in the works, but I am leaving the paid subscriber Rest Readings, Rest Recipes, Rest Rituals, and Rest Recordings on the newsletter for a month or so. If you want to contribute, consider becoming a paid subscriber through Substack:
REST READING
Check out all of the rest reading recommendations in Resources on my Substack page.
REST RECIPE
In my last post, I mentioned resetting my diet and how I was going to focus on simple breakfasts (granola or oatmeal), lunches (beans & rice with veggies and fruit), and dinners (soup in cold months or smoothie in warm months with some sort of lovely bread). This works well with my system and overall goal of being gentle with my digestion for better sleep. This week I made a big pot of potato and dill soup and portioned it out through the week in Le Parfait 500ml Super Jars which fit nicely in the refrigerator and were a good size portion for each meal. I also bought an Italian Country Loaf from Buka Bakehouse to tick the lovely bread box. So here is my Potato & Dill Soup:
2 tablespoons butter
1 large onion, chopped
4 cups raw potatoes*, diced
4 cups vegetable broth
Salt and pepper
2 tablespoons fresh dill, chopped
1 cup light cream
Melt the butter in a large saucepan. Add the onion and potato. Cover and steam over very low heat for 5 to 10 minutes. Add the broth, salt and pepper to taste, and the dill. Simmer until the vegetables are tender. Remove from the heat and puree half of the mixture in a blender. Return puree to the reserved mixture in the pan and stir in cream. Add cubes of salmon to make a meal.
*Potatoes can be considered good for sleep because they contain complex carbohydrates which stimulate the release of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that promotes relaxation and sleepiness.
REST RITUAL
If you are interested to learn more about IFS (Internal Family Systems), here is some information to ponder. Per the website, “IFS is a transformative tool that conceives of every human being as a system of protective and wounded inner parts led by a core Self. We believe the mind is naturally multiple and that is a good thing. Just like members of a family, inner parts are forced from their valuable states into extreme roles within us. Self is in everyone. It can’t be damaged. It knows how to heal.” IFS was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s and is practiced by thousands of therapists and practitioners around the world. I first became familiar with IFS at the ReTribe’s Shift Happens retreat I attended in June 2023.
One component of IFS that is relevant to the parts work mentioned above are the 6 F’s of Internal Family Systems. The 6Fs are a set of steps in IFS therapy that help people identify and heal parts of themselves that may be causing distress. The definitions below are taken from the article “What Are the 6 F’s of Internal Family Systems?”:
Find – The first step is to find the different sub-personalities or “parts” that make up your internal system. Through a process of self-exploration and introspection.
Focus – Once you have identified your parts, it is important to focus on each individually. This will help you better understand their unique perspectives, beliefs, and emotions.
Flesh out – The next step is to flesh out each part by giving it a name and further exploring its characteristics. This will help you better understand how each part functions within your internal system.
Feel toward – It is important to start developing a feeling toward each of your parts. This can be done by exploring your emotions towards each part and considering how each part feels towards you.
Befriend – This step aims to develop a more positive relationship with each of your parts through practicing forgiveness, compassion, and understanding.
Fear – The final step is to work through any fears you may have about your parts or your internal system. This includes addressing fears that may hinder you from developing a healthy relationship with your parts.
If you connect to the above and would like to find assistance with this IFS work, you can find a therapist or practitioner on the IFS Institute Directory or reach out to your healthcare provider to see if they have any recommendations.
Thank you so much for reading! I hope this has been enjoyable. May you have a restful week and stay warm.
Below are the upcoming 2025 Cascade Rest Curations (links to Eventbrite are underlined):
REST CURATIONS
Guided body scan, energy clearing, vagus nerve reset, yoga nidra exercise, rest / sleep, wake up, and meditation over an hour and a half. All Rest Curations will take place on the Sunday near the new moon at the Liebestraum Chalet in Alto, Michigan:
Rest Curation - Sunday, February 2, 2025 from 1:30pm - 3:00pm
Rest Curation - Sunday, March 2, 2025 from 1:30pm - 3:00pm
Rest Curation - Sunday, March 30, 2025 from 1:30pm - 3:00pm
Rest Curation - Sunday, April 27, 2025 from 1:30pm - 3:00pm
Rest Curation - Sunday, June 1, 2025 from 1:30pm - 3:00pm
REST WALKS
Monthly dynamic walks to bring both energy and relaxation. These guided walks will start with a circle to stretch and to set an intention to ponder based on the element of the season. The first 30 minutes of the walk will be in noble silence and the last 30 minutes will be open to conversation and observation. The walk will finish with a circle to reflect, share, integrate, and finally stretch. If you have been hesitant to join a Rest Curation, please consider signing up for a Rest Walk since this a more active entry into yin energy. All Rest Walks will take place on the Saturday near the full moon at a park near Grand Rapids, Michigan:
Rest Walk - Saturday, February 15, 2025 from 10:00am - 12:00pm
Rest Walk - Saturday, March 15, 2025 from 10:00am - 12:00pm
SOUND CURATIONS
Join us to celebrate the element of each season with sound immersions by Kara Markovich at the Liebestraum Chalet in Alto, Michigan:
Sound + The Element of Water - Friday, January 24, 2025 from 6:30pm - 8:00pm
SAVE THE DATE: Wood Sound Curation - Spring equinox, Thursday, March 20, 2025 from 6:30pm - 8:00pm
SAVE THE DATE: Fire Sound Curation - Summer solstice, Friday, June 20, 2025 from 6:30pm - 8:00pm
And if you are interested in my feng shui and interior design services, please see my website at www.cascadefengshui.com and contact me at abby@cascadefengshui.com. I’m also on Instagram at cascade.feng.shui.